A Necessary Sweetness: This Ukrainian Jewish Mother Reflects on Rosh Hashanah

These days, Tatyana Belye has her hands full. A mother of two — Margosha, 2, and Danat, 10 —- she struggles to provide for her children while protecting them from the conflict in Ukraine. But though her situation is difficult, Tatyana, 36, knows she can depend on the JDC-supported Hesed Menachem social service center and Solomonika Jewish Community Center (JCC) in her hometown of Dnipro. 

For Tatyana and Danat, both of whom suffer from a hormone condition that compromises their mobility and poses other serious health challenges, Hesed Menachem and Solomonika JCC have enabled them to live rich, meaningful Jewish lives. With Rosh Hashanah approaching, Tatyana reflects on her experience of living with a disability — and the sweetness JDC brings to her and family amidst these circumstances.  

One morning I walked into the kitchen and saw my father dipping apples in honey. I asked him what he was doing. 

“It’s Rosh Hashanah — the Jewish New Year,” he said. “This is how you’re supposed to eat apples during the holiday.”

I tried a slice and thought it was tasty. Going forward, I started doing the same thing each Rosh Hashanah.

That moment captures what my father passed down to me — the sweetness of Jewish life. Growing up, I used to see him pray in Hebrew and attend synagogue regularly, so I guess you could say I followed his example. He’s the one who connected me to Hesed Menachem and the Solomonika JCC, where I got to celebrate holidays, meet other young Jews, and learn about my heritage. 

It was there that I joined Tikva, a program for young Jews like me with disabilities. Tikva was a world of fun where I got to explore my Jewishness. I did arts and crafts, theater performances, played games, and in the summer, I even got to attend Jewish camp by the sea. Tikva was a testament to the inclusive spirit of Dnipro’s Jews. No Jew, no matter their ability, would be prevented from participating in community life to the fullest extent.     

This care and attention continued into adulthood, too. As soon as I aged out of Tikva, I joined Yedit, a program at Hesed Menachem that serves adult Jews with disabilities. Yetid takes a holistic approach to our care, enhancing each person’s creativity, personal development, and Jewishness. For me, this initiative has become a source of community and collective knowledge, and I can’t imagine life without it. 

Today, I’m the proud mother of two children. One child — my son Danat — has inherited the developmental challenges I’ve had to grapple with. 

Life is often difficult for him. Here in Ukraine, many buildings are still inaccessible for people with disabilities. Even basic things like ramps are rare, and where they do exist, they’re often so steep that no human could push a wheelchair up the incline, nevermind push themselves up on their own. 

Sometimes, you don’t even need to have a disability to feel limited — just being a mom with a stroller is enough. Take something as simple as the opening of a door. At our local market, for example, one set of doors opens outward, the other inward, and the entry space is tiny. How am I supposed to hold both doors and push a stroller through at the same time? 

For my Danat, well, these mobility issues aren’t something he can ever escape. 

Thats why I thank God he has the community at Solomonika. There, he studies math, science, Ukrainian language and literature, and English. He also took computer courses and discovered a passion for video editing. They had a final exam, and Danat produced a funny video about cats. Everyone loved it.

I’ve also found my own circle through the Women’s Leadership School here at Solominika. We recently spent time at a retreat center, where we got to walk around, breathe fresh air, relax, and truly recharge. It was a good, meaningful, and necessary break for mothers like myself. 

All the gatherings back home are just as fun — the holidays, get-togethers, and Shabbat celebrations each Friday. Everything happens in a fun and positive atmosphere, and I have always laid-back conversations with the other women. 

The crisis we’re all living through is made worse by the lack of jobs. Before, there were more of them and chances to develop yourself. Now many of those opportunities are gone, and lost opportunities mean lost income.  

When you have children, this is a crisis. But when you have children who also suffer from severe health challenges, it’s nothing short of a catastrophe. 

Between caring for my children, I pick up odd jobs here and there, and my husband works round the clock. But it’s still not enough to cover our basic needs. JDC has stepped in with financial assistance — help with buying food, as well as utilities like gas, electricity, and heat. Now that winter’s coming, we’ll also receive warm clothing, shoes, and thick blankets. Though we don’t know what the future will bring, for now, we’ll make it through thanks to JDC. 

How do you stay strong and resilient during these hard times? It’s not easy. Sometimes, you just need to cry, let it all out, then pull yourself together and keep going. 

It’s here that JDC’s help has again been priceless, providing trauma support to both Danat and me. This kind of aid, though intangible, has probably been the most important thing.. Danat just had a major surgery when all this chaos began, and I myself fell into a deep depression. But after working with a trained professional for more than a year, I came out of it. 

Now I know that, with JDC at my side, I can be the mother I want to be — the parent my children deserve. 

I believe a mother’s duty is to protect her children, provide everything they need, and ensure they have a joyful childhood. Though it’s hard, I try not to show my inner struggles so that my kids don’t feel the impact of what’s going on. I’ve done everything I can to ensure that’s the case.

Of course, when my children wake up scared, there’s nothing I can do except hold them close, sit quietly, and wait for it to be over. 

The sweetness we celebrate each Rosh Hashanah is never more necessary than at times like these, when there seems to be no way out of a bitter situation. I’ve learned that by caring for yourself — by focusing on your needs — this sweetness becomes more of a possibility.

That’s what my father gave me that morning I walked into the kitchen — sweetness, yes, but also the courage to face the future when the present feels unbearable. 

As Jews, we all face it together. I’m just so grateful that you and JDC have stood shoulder-to-shoulder with me all along — and will continue to be there for Ukraine’s Jews, no matter what. 

Tatyana Belye, 36, is a JDC client and mother of two in Dnipro, Ukraine. 

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